Week thirteen.

One more week of lectures and then it's my final examination. Can time slow down like 09182364234657 mph? So far, I'm in pretty good shape for Cal3 and Differential Equation, but not Linear Algebra. Still hate those concepts and theories behind all the numbers. 

Did I mention one plus one is theoretically, not two? Yes, this kind of crap I put up with for Linear.

But on a happier note, I got two full scores for Differential! Mad happy. Only one in class. Girl pow'r, yeehaw. Nevertheless, latest Linear quiz was the best of the lot. 19/20. Rawr. However, I shouldn't keep my hopes up. Like Cal2 last semester, did well for quizzes and tests but still get B, thanks to the merciless final exam paper. Need more time to study. In a span of one hour, I can only solve a maximum of two questions. Howlah you tell me?

So many things to do in so little time. I (think) lost two friends, this week (powderful leh). Simply because I have no time to layan. I know no amount of apology will make it up to you both, but I am really sorry. No time, that is my excuse and my honest reason. I am not really a good friend, am I? Well, I'm not surprised myself.

I realized it is such a pain to be a female. In the car, my mum gave me the whole lecture on how-to-be-a-girl, all the way from Subang to Eng Ann (stopped by for awesome Chee Cheong Fun) to Botanic. Her remedy? Wear skirts, dresses. Laugh less (apparently I laugh very loud and chor lor). Eat less. Sit with legs crossed. (list continues)

I like shorts. I like jeans. I like baggy t-shirts. I like food. I like to kangkang a bit when I sit. I like eating at the dinner table at home with one leg up on the seat (PCK style). Susah. Guys can do all that and not get nagged at, but not girls. Meh. Guys don't say much. I like that. Girls are like CNN updates in Twitter. I sometimes do need to tell everybody what I think, feel. Similarly, I sometimes do not need to know every minute detail about your life. 

(note that I used the word sometimes in both statements) 

Girls hate me for that. Hence I have very few female friends. You don't see me very often with my ji muis, do you? Because I don't have any. I'd make a pretty bad ji mui, if I were to have one.

For instance, I tried on an evening gown and a blazer. I felt like I was Jas Min with the blazer on, and in the gown, it just felt wrong, uneasy, uncomfortable; just not me. I like being me. Who doesn't? Anyway in both, I looked like an elephant. At the very least, I like to be the confident elephant. I look super tua chiak in a gown lah ohmygoodness.

By the way, there is something called texting etiquette. If I write a whole paragraph as a text message, and you reply me with 'k', might as well don't reply kan? I didn't pour out my thoughts and feelings just for a 'k'. I'm sure anybody would be as annoyed. If all you have to say is 'k', save that 10/20cents and don't reply. That's what I do with all honesty. If I get a lengthy text and I have nothing to say, I don't say anything.

I have trust issues. The repercussions. The disappointments. The ones I disappoint. I make a fool of myself every single time. Hurt others when I try to make things 'right'. I will speak less. Let's not go any further about this.

Dinner banquet is tonight! Looking forward to it. A little nervous. A little afraid. But very much excited. Like pastor said, we're going to party! In a healthy way. Haha. We will celebrate on the goodness of our God!

Better than a church bell ringing, better than a choir singing out, singing out.

We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody.

Beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts.

It is going to be a long(er) night.

God bless you.

Love, Jas Min.