An honest prayer.

I'm not like most girls. But there are still many like me.

It got me thinking, when Uncle Teh, Looi Yoong and I were at KD (Yes, Ah Teh belanja! Haha. He's super nais to us, seniors). We were discussing, updating each other about life for the past 6 months. I told him about me, not wanting to get married in future.

Okay, I know. I've never mentioned it before but I think most of my close kawans know about this.

So yes, I don't want to get married.

Don't tell me about, "those who cakap tak nak kahwin, will end up getting married sooner than everyone else". Where got such thing one lar? Haha. Well maybe. But I've made my decision a long long long time ago when I was still young. And it remains.

Teh said, "You're going to end up lonely and sad, who's going to take care of you when you grow old?". I answered, "My dog.". Nonsense. I can take care of myself. He's watching over me.

And then, he said, "Your dog can cook for you porridge when you're sick ah?". That was tough to answer but ohwell. I can always hire a nurse (Looi Yoong, most probably) to treat me until I get well. Besides, I have the greatest doctor with me.

I'm pretty certain about my decision. And I know this sounds childish and immature. To conclude about something of such an importance, so soon. But I've learn much, from my parents' relationship itself. My parents love me a lot, nevertheless. And my mum was so positive and supportive, when I told her this. I'd remind her from time to time about it. She'd give me a wide smile and nod in approval. I wonder how many times I've told her about it, but she knows that I want to reassure her, that's why.

Now, my dad didn't entirely (just a bit) influence my decision. But it did taught me that marriage ain't easy. Not a single part of it. But that doesn't mean that marriage ain't a happy thing too. Through these 17 years of life, somewhere in the way. I made myself clear. I want to be there to accompany my mother throughout her life. I know I can't replace that bitter hole left in her heart, but at least, I'd be there to love and care for her. I cannot have a family of my own and leave her out of the picture. Not me, not my mother. I know me.

Besides, I've been in an "almost-relationship" situation. I admit, I was young and curious and everything else a young teen would experience. I'm glad it didn't work out. Because sometimes you need someone else to show who you really are. And indeed, I found out that I was a hardheaded person. I can't forgive nor forget easily. I just don't let things go. Not only him, but my dad included. (Long story cut short, ask me personally and I'll tell you everything, heh) But I found Him, thereafter. I can easily and comfortably share my secrets and tell my worries now and better yet, experience the greatest love of all. I'm all transparent now. So thank you, Ivan.

I'm still normal, dear humans. I like boys, not girls. In fact, *gulps, ... , exhales* I have this minute crush on someone. But it's just a crush. I blame it on the hormones. It's not me! Haha. I will not allow these feelings to develop or somehow (fuhlahmak, you sure boh?), I'm sure. And I like it this way, because I have great male buddies like Lester and Jeff. I don't need a boyfriend to feel loved. I am loved already. Hee.

Now, almost every girl has dreams of their knight in shining armor. Sweeping off their feet at one glance. Walking down the aisle in that shimmering white gown, feeling like the most beautiful girl on Earth, for just that one day. And then like all fairytales, live happily ever after. I'm a girl, I do feel that way too. Now, here's the thing.

My type of guy *clears throat* will be, someone with nice eyes. The first thing I'd notice in a guy, would be his eyes. Not how nice it is, but how it connects with mine. I want the guy I like to look at me in the eye when he speaks to me (not really fang tian lah, or so to speak). And that's pretty much it, if you ask me about physical criterias. Haha! (I'm that simple, really). But I do have a thing for guys with curly hair, or botaks. Serious! People like Josh Groban, Kenny G, and Wentworth Miller makes me happy. Hee. What, all girls are allowed a lil' fantasy.

Then again, this person I have a crush on has none of the above mentioned. *dotdotdot* Enough guessing, I'm not telling.

However, no matter how determined I am not to get married. Marriage is not totally out of the equation. I don't know if anyone does this. But I do pray from time to time, for Him to reveal and prepare my life partner (if I'm meant to have one). It's not too early to pray for your future husband/wife yo'.

Something out of topic, here's another honest prayer.

Dear Lord, if you cannot make me thin. Please make my friends fat. Thank You. Amen.

Just joking. Hahaha!

It's been so long since I last camwhored. Like what May Zhee said, my blog needs to look more like an Asian girl's blog too.

And Lester said that I look hemsem in this picture.

I'll take that as a compliment. Haha!

Zomgosh, I need to sleep it's 0210 already.

Another night of 3 hours of sleep. This is baaaad.

I never learn. *sigh*

G'night and God bless!